I’m doing that thing when my thoughts run wild again. And when they do, they usually bleed into a crime scene where i’ll feel incredibly guilty for and proceed to punish myself afterwards.
It’s just not right, messes like this. It leaves me as a ball of tangled twine which refuses to function normal everyday stuff.
Just been thinking about you again. & how I promised myself I was gonna bury you with 2011. Look, the first post of 2012 is dedicated to you. Letting go isn’t easy, it never is, & I’m still trying. Still trying so damn hard but you’ve winded yourself into my emotional harddrive so damn tight I can’t pull you off without hurting myself. That’s what I’m doing now, snipping you away bit by bit & along with it, pieces of myself as well.
I’m getting there but I can’t help but feel that broth of anger and frustration and pain bubbling within me again. Do you know what you did? Do you really? Did you intend to? If yes, why? Are you not aware of the damage? Are you not aware of how you destroyed me in such a way I can’t no longer go back yet not I’ve nowhere to head to and am currently stuck in a limbo? This vortex of emotions is showered with endless questions pitter-pattering on my non-reactive head & over-reactive heart.
How could you just walk away like that, leaving me here like this? How could you? (Well yes, you could but why me? What was I supposed to do? Look out for the non-existent warning signs? Install an actual siren in my head to yell ‘danger’?) Why why why why why why why.
It’s not fair. It never is & it never will be. This is as far as I would let myself dwell over you tonight. Goodbye.
Hey babe, just want you to know that I understand. And I’ve asked myself all those questions, I still wonder why me sometimes too. But I’m much better, much much better. So know that it’s not gna hurt forever and you’ll heal. Promise <3
Sigh, thanks dear (: I know I’m gonna get better, it’s just the road to getting there is so frickkin’ painful ): Gotta rant to feel better~ 8)